I'm Sorry For What My Mouth Said
by IWillBelieveIt If I CanDreamIt
Summary: It's Kaito and Shinichi's first anniversary, the detective is late and Kaito's thoughts are spiralling. Jumping to the wrong conclusion, Kaito accuses Shinichi of cheating on him before running out. Words are said and tempers flare. Is love really enough to pull them through this difficult time?


Kaito sat on the sofa, leg jumping as he waited anxiously for his lover. Today marked their one-year anniversary. They were going to spend the night in, eating a dinner Kaito had lovingly prepared, which had long gone cold by now.

He'd slaved over the hot oven all day. Working hard and putting everything into this dinner. He had actually cleaned the house for once. Before setting up their favourite candles and a romantic table to eat at. He'd even gone out to buy a gift for Shinichi. Tickets to the Holmes convention in Tokyo for next month. Everything was set yet no word from his lover.

At first, he'd thought he'd been held up on a case but he or the inspector usually rang. Then he thought perhaps he had been kidnapped or hurt but again he would have been contacted. The longer he waited the darker his thoughts got.

He began to think of the weeks leading up to this date. How secretive Shinichi had been. How distant he had become. Ducking into corners on the phone. Some nights coming home late smelling of perfume, clothing rumpled.

The more he thought about it, the more it made sense. Shinichi was cheating on him. He channelled all his anger not wanting to cry until they had it out. He went ridged as he heard the door open and the familiar footsteps of his soon to be ex flitted through. A part of him had hoped Shinichi would have been longer, he didn't want to put an end to the best thing that had happened to him, but at the same time another part of him just wanted to get it over with, to get started on the grieving and moving on process. Secretly he held out a hope that maybe they could work this out, but he doubted it. Once he lost trust in someone, he lost it for good.

Shinichi entered the room and smiled when he saw Kaito sat on the sofa "I'm so sorry I'm late but I-" the detective was cut off by Kaito shooting up, glaring hatefully at him from his new position. Kaito could smell the skanks perfume from here. He wasn't going hang around and hear his excuses, not when he was parading his infidelity so blatantly.

"You are so Heartless, you know that? I can handle when your late for a case, I can handle you being late because you got distracted momentarily by something, I can even accept your random zoning out. What I can't accept is you being late to our one-year anniversary because you were cheating on me with some whore!" He seethed. Ploughing on not letting the detective get a word in edgeways, knowing if he did, he would never be able to continue and get what he needed off his chest.

"Don't think I didn't notice the secret texts, the phone calls, the sneaking off at random times to meet someone. Coming home smelling of perfume and your clothing messed up. Don't pretend like you haven't been secretive or distant with me Shinichi." He gave a hollow laugh at the dumb struct look on the one he thought he would spend the rest of his life with face.

"You know everyone said we weren't a good match. That you would wind up breaking my heart. That you were too cold hearted, some even said you were too heartless to even be able to care for me. They told me you were too obsessive with being a detective to even give me an announce of your mind or attention. But I fought for you." His voiced cracked as he admitted to his family's doubts. "I ignored what they said, and do you know what I found out?" Voice thick with the tears he was refusing to allow to show on his face. "That they were right. You really are a heartless detective freak!" The magician spat out, fists clenched.

Shinichi remained silent. Too stunned and hurt to say anything. Tears building up in his eyes as he opened his mouth to try and say something, but nothing would come out. His lover shook his head angrily at the lack of response.

"I'm outta here. Happy anniversary you fucked up heartless jerk." He sneered, barging past Shinichi. Slamming the door on his way out.

Shinichi stood in the Livingroom. Unable to comprehend what had just happened. As the weight of the situation crashed down, a tear slipped out, followed by another and another until he was sobbing. The person he thought understood him, who accepted him and all his flaws. The one he was going to live the rest of his life with had just accused him of cheating before walking out of his life forever.

He crumpled in on himself, landing on the hard-marbled floor in an undignified heap, hiccupping sobs racking his slight frame as the pain and grief set in, uncaring of the physical pain the position was giving him, only aware of the pain inside his heart. By the time he resurfaced and became more aware of his surroundings and how stiff his joints had become, the clock stuck midnight.

With his brain able to form comprehensive thoughts again he made a plan on what he needed to do in his head, refusing to let his heart break anymore as he separated his life with Kaito and put it into a locked chest to be thrown back into the deepest recesses of his mind, knowing that he would never have that again, he was unable to prevent the fresh wave of tears the thought brought.

Once the tears had calmed and he was able to see where he was going, he stood up, bones cracking for remaining in the same position too long and made his way up the stairs and into his study. Pulling out a sheet of paper, a fountain pen along with an envelope before sitting down in the comfortable office chair in front of the desk. Once sat he pulled a small wrapped box out from his pocket, placing the parcel to the side, so it was out of the way but still in the line of sight so he wouldn't misplace it or knock it off.

By early morning the room was littered with crumpled up balls of paper, each covered in elegant script, befitting the detective as he tried to write the last farewell between them, he neither had the courage nor the right to say it to the others face, knowing instinctively his presents would not be welcome. Shinichi sat in the middle of the chaos putting a load of paper into a clean envelope. Writing the recipient name and sealing it.

He stretched, wiping at the stay tears that fell before standing and exiting the room, making sure to take his box and writing with him as he entered the bedroom. Placing them on the bed he then turned and dug out his suitcase and proceeded to pack varies items he felt he would need for where he was going. Once done he popped it against the door, pulled out his mobile and made a quick call.

He went back into the study and tidied the room, removing all the paper until there was no trace of him doing anything in their other than a significantly smaller stack of writing paper then there had been before. Satisfied he returned to his room, grabbed his luggage, envelope and gift and took them downstairs with him. Picking up a few more belongings once down and put the letter and gift on the table in front of the door. Knowing Kaito would see it when he came back for his stuff.

The detective took one last sad look around the house before grabbing his bags and leaving. He had no reason to stay there anymore. A greater adventure was calling him, one that would take him far away, away from the reminders Japan would give but most off all, far away from the person who had hurt him most.

A few hours later Kaito crept in. Eyes red and puffy from crying all night. He quietly stuck his head though the door and listened. Satisfied he wouldn't run into the detective he walked further in, catching sight of the envelope with his name on. A wrapped gift box beside it. Due to his curious nature he couldn't ignore it and timidly picked up the envelope and opened it.

He was surprised at the number of pages but pulled them out regardless. Determined to read the last letter between him and Shinichi. Hoping it would explain why Shinichi did it and give him some much-needed closure.

_Dear Kaito or I suppose I should call you Kuroba now,_

_I must have started this letter a thousand times, but I can never seem to find the right words. I thought a lot on what you said to me last night. The first thing I want you to know is that I never cheated on you and nor would I have ever cheated on you. _

_Whilst it was true I was secretive, I promise I had a good reason for that which I will get to in a moment. As towards me being distant, I'm sorry. I'm so used to being alone that sometimes I push people away and become distant without even realising it. I suppose It's easier this way, not having to rely on anyone or trust in them not to hurt me, having spent so long watching from a distance, it's habit now I guess. I had thought you knew and understood that about me, you promised to always pull me back in when I got like that. I was asking too much of you I know that now, I'm sorry, I was being selfish, I should have considered your feelings and not expected you to know without me putting it into words. _

_Back to the whole secretive thing. I was like that because I wanted to find you the perfect present. Pandora. That's why I was always on my phone and not letting you see or listen in. It was also the reason why I would dash off and come home smelling of different perfumes and sometimes my clothes a little wrinkled. That all happened because I was talking to possible owners. _

_I'd managed to narrow it down to four and with time running out I was becoming desperate. Even going as far as to offer to help do some work around the house or help with problems just to get them to open up better to me. _

_I never for a second thought of cheating on you. It was all innocent work, such as looking after pets, cleaning out attics, looking into possible buys they wanted to see if they were legit. Throughout it all I was only thinking of you and your smile when you finally got the gem. _

_I wish I could turn back the clock. Tell the heiress to meet me earlier in the day. Tell her not to try and dilly dally when she knew how important the day was. I should have done something to make it quicker. Should have handled the situation better so you wouldn't have had to worry and be hurt unnecessarily. But I can't and I'm sorry for that. _

_You will find Pandora in the box next to the letter. You can keep it, you need it a lot more than I do. Destroy it or whatever that needs to be done. I'm sorry I couldn't give it to you in person. It was what I was trying to tell you last night before you blew up at me. _

_I'm sorry I hurt you Kaito and I'm sorry for wasting your time. I'm even more sorry that I proved everyone right and hurt you. Don't let this get you down. I want you to follow your dreams. I know you will become one of the best magicians to ever live. Find someone new Kai. Don't let what happened between us stop you from finding love. _

_I wish I could say you were wrong, about me being a freak or heartless but I've dedicated my life to the truth and see no reason breaking that now. You're right, I'm just a heartless bastard. A freak of nature who attracts death like a magnet. Your life will be better off without me and my trail of body's._

_As for me I will remain single like I should have done in the beginning. I don't want to cause any more harm to someone else's life. You were it for me. I really did and still do love you, but I understand that I am unlovable. I always knew it, just didn't believe it until now. I promise you will never see or hear from me again._

_A few days ago, I was offered a job at Interpol, working cases internationally. I was going to turn it down since I had you, but I've decided to accept their offer. I have no reason to stay here or even in Japan anymore. I also don't want to cause you anymore pain, so I leave Japan this afternoon. Thank you for the time we had. I will cherish it always._

_Take care Kai. Live a long happy life. I wish you all the best. _

_Your heartless freak of a lover_

_Shinichi xx _

Tears fell from his eyes, landing onto the paper, smudging the elegant script. He rushed to open the box. Tearing the wrapping away, wrenching the lid open to reveal a blue gem. He wouldn't be able to test it until tonight but if what Shinichi said was true then this was Pandora.

He was about to lose the best thing to ever happen to him because he overacted for a moment. Realizing what he had done and what he was about to lose Kaito dropped the letter. Dashing back out of the house and flagging down a taxi.

He bounced up and down in his seat impatiently. Asking the cabbie to drive faster. Checking at his watch. Urging him to hurry as he saw it was nearly noon. Flying out the car before it even had time to stop.

Hurtling past airport security. On a mission to find his lover. He looked around frantically, calling his loves name out. He was just about to give up all hope when he spotted a familiar cow lick.

Screaming at the top of his longs he ran straight at him. Crashing into the bewildered man.

"I'm sorry. Please don't go. I was a total jerk and accused you of something awful all because I let my insecurities get to me for a second. I don't think you're a heatless freak. I was so, so, so wrong to say that. Please come home with me. I love you" the young magician begged clutching him close. Looking up into those beautiful eyes he fell in love with. Noticing just how swollen and raw they looked. His heart-breaking anew as he was the cause of it.

The stoic boy held out for a second before crumbling into his lover. Crying, burrowing in close.

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I'll never do anything like it again, I swear. I'll tell you everything I'm up to. Please don't be done with me. I love you" the distraught detective sobbed. The thief closed his eyes at the painful sound. He would never forgive himself.

"It's okay baby, you did nothing wrong. It's all on me, I was in the wrong. I should have let you explain first before jumping down your throat about it. I know you would never do anything to hurt me. I just lost my head for a moment. I will spend the rest of my life making it up to you, I promise. Now let's go home before security finally notices someone got through that shouldn't." he teased, getting a chocked giggle from his darling.

Kaito picked up the luggage that Shinichi had dropped, grabbing his hand and walking them out the terminal. He had a lot to make up for and a lot of damage to fix. But right now, having Shinichi gripping his hand tight, smiling happily at the sight of them, he didn't mind how it had ended.

Later that night the two confirmed it was Pandora. Celebrating their missed anniversary and of finally finding the hidden gem.

After the hiccup they experienced, their relationship was on rocky ground. Kaito found the damage he had done to his lover was worse than he had previously thought. Shinichi had become unsure of his place in his life, was constantly offering up explanations on where he was going and with who. Telling him everything he planned to do and always ringing to check it was okay if the plan changed.

Kaito hadn't been sure they would make it through. Especially when they hung out with their friends for the first time after the incident. Shinichi had been so quiet and withdrawn, only speaking when spoken to and watching them carefully. It was suddenly like they were at the beginning of their relationship but worse since this time Shinichi knew the people around him thought him below what they Imaged Kaito's standard to be.

It had taken a very long time and so many talks and him standing up for Shinichi when someone made a remark on the state of their coupling or something of that nature before he even saw the spark of the man he had fallen in love with.

Slowly but surely the detective crawled out of the shell he had been hiding in, becoming more confident and uncaring to anyone opinions but Kaito's. They still had their moments where Shinichi got insecure and asked Kaito if he still wanted to be with him, But Kaito would always pull him into his arms and kiss. Professing his undying love until Shinichi was shy but content.

It also helped that he'd also shown his trust in Shinichi and worked through his own insecurities. He made it clear that Shinichi didn't have to report back to him on every little thing. He didn't have to ask his permission to do what he wanted and hang out with his own friends. A big step was when he convinced Shinichi that it was okay to keep the job at Interpol.

He'd known all along that Shinichi wanted to travel, that Japan although beautiful held many dark and painful memories. Interpol was a blessing and although he hated the fact, they had be apart for long periods of time and the fact he played a bad roll in getting him to accept the job initially, he had to admit that the freedom had done him the world off good. It had brought his detective back and strengthen their relationship in a way he hadn't thought possible.

Though he supposed the fact his magic career kicked off a year later, allowing him to travel with his darling played a large roll in finally mending the bridge he had stupidly pulled down in a moment of weakness.

Over time the transgression was forgotten, the negative words were overpowered by positive ones. The memory being overshadowed by happier times. They didn't forget what had happened, rather they learned from it and became closer, the relationship better for it. They still had their moments where they argued and words were said that should never have been, but they learnt to move past it, to accept the things said in the heat of the moment, but not allowing them to taint what they had. It took a while but they soon realised that even if the words said in anger held a truth to them, it wasn't the whole definitive picture their lover saw them as, it only made up a very small part of how they were perceived or thought as.

They loved each other and in the end that was all that mattered. A few sad moments paled in comparison to the happier ones they held.


End file.
